Pennsylvania’s Punxsutawney Phil had the gall to predict six MORE weeks of winter after allegedly seeing his shadow Thursday.
Where has the stupid groundhog been, anyway? How can we have six more weeks of winter when we haven’t had enough cold weather to even call it winter?
I think the mild temperatures this winter are part of a conspiracy staged by those global warming fanatics to try to fake us out.
Just because flowers and trees are blooming like it’s the middle of spring and glaciers are melting and polar bears are rapidly running out of habitat because it’s melting, we certainly can’t jump to the conclusion that we’re responsible because we’re burning more and more fossil fuels and raising levels of greenhouses gases.
How ridiculous is that! After all, God wouldn’t have given us all these natural resources unless he intended for us to use them all up, now would he?
Oh, sure. Scientists claim they’re tracking climate change. Land-based weather stations and ocean buoys in every corner of the world monitor temperatures constantly, these nerds say, and from their studies of temperatures from the past in tree rings, coral reefs and ice cores, they claim the Earth’s temperatures are trending upward. They claim they’ve looked at the natural cycles and events that are known to influence climate, and they theorize the only way to explain the pattern is to include the effect of greenhouse gases emitted by humans. Most come from the combustion of fossil fuels in cars, factories and electricity production, the nerdy scientists claim. They allege the gas responsible for the most warming is carbon dioxide, or CO2. Other contributors to climate change include methane released from landfills and agriculture (especially from the digestive systems of grazing animals), nitrous oxide from fertilizers, gases used for refrigeration and industrial processes, and the loss of forests that would otherwise store CO2, they claim.
According to the climate change nerds, the ozone layer that protects all life on Earth from the harmful effects of the sun’s rays has been depleting for many years now. They allege the ozone hole currently over Antarctica is three times the size of the United States and growing.
Also, according to the so-called experts, more than 60 percent of the ozone layer blanketing the Arctic Circle was lost in the 1999/2000 winter. Then they claim that in September 2000, the ozone hole stretched over a populated city for the first time in Punta Arenas, a southern city in Chile of about 120,000 people, exposing residents to very high levels of ultraviolet radiation.
I say global warming, phooey! It may be warm here this winter but what about the parts of Europe that are experiencing a deadly cold winter this year?
And then the global warming nerds try to tell us that as the climate gets warmer, we can expect more extreme weather. They claim warmer oceans fuel more intense hurricanes, meaning destruction and flooding in coastal areas. So where were the hurricanes this year, bozos? Got it wrong, didn’t you?
So what if wildfires and drought are plaguing Southern and Western states and that more killer tornadoes than ever seem to be ravaging areas across the country? We all know they’re simply acts of God — certainly nothing to do with our excessive, reckless lifestyles.
We can keep depending on fossil fuels and cranking out greenhouse gas emissions until we destroy the ozone, and the human race will go right on thriving, I say. Didn’t God give us the brains to overcome adversity and outwit Mother Nature?
Besides, we’re throwing a few dollars here and there at the problem, and we talk a whole lot about tapping into solar and wind energy. We talk and talk and talk about it, don’t we?
Who needs the facts, anyway? I say, “Don’t worry; be happy!” And drill, baby, drill.
Contact the writer: firstname.lastname@example.org or 803-533-5525.